Sometimes Family Doesn't Share the Same Blood

The perfect title for this post was so eloquently worded by Tara, the daughter of my longtime friend, Lois.  Lois and I met when working together in Tampa for Arthur Andersen in 1983.  Lois lost her husband, an Air Force Policeman, in the first Gulf War, when her two children, Tara and Gary, were very young.  Though we both left Arthur Andersen within a few years of meeting, we have stayed close friends for what will be 30 years this summer.   Tara, who was married just a couple of weeks ago, reminds us that our "village" often consists of both family and carefully chosen friends - both the village we choose for ourselves and more, importantly, the village we create for our children.

Visiting Ruby Falls in Chattanooga in 2000 - our first of several summer trips

Over these 30 years, I have shared many wonderful memories with Lois and her children, and in the early days, her husband, John.   After my son, Shawn was born, we would go to visit every few months.   In 1999, I bought a camper and Lois, Tara, Gary, Shawn and I took extended summer vacations together, camping across the country, as far north as Boston and west as Yellowstone National Park.  We derive great pleasure in recounting these wonderful experiences when we get together.  Shawn and I even traveled to Malaysia to attend Tara's high school graduation and tour India with them.  Though we are very different in many ways, Lois and I share a lot of commonality.  We both know that we are there for each other and for each other's children, and take great comfort in that fact.

Mother's Day Weekend is also a very special time for me with "family" who are not my blood.  I'm fortunate to have stayed near where I grew up and to be able to maintain close relationships with friends from middle school.  This year we celebrated 20 years of making memories at the same hotel on Fort Myers Beach.  The family of my friends had celebrated Mother's Day there for many years before that but changed hotels when I first joined them.  Now we keep track of the years at The Outrigger Beach Resort by the age of my son - I joined the fun when I first became a mother in 1994, when Shawn was just 2 1/2 months old.

Mother's Day Toast 2003 with the family who "adopted" me in high school-
Mrs A, Kathy's mother and Marlene's Mother-in-Law, in white is toward the back,
just to the left of her sister, Aunt Ann, on the right in purple.
Our children were young then and did not participate -
Now my friend's daughters participate with their children - that has changed since my friends are the Grandmas!

We have celebrated so many important life events there - births, graduations, engagements and even a wedding.  Unfortunately, we have also grieved together there.  This year, as we celebrated 20 years of memories, they spread the ashes of a much loved family member, Alvin Collins, who passed in DC last year on the first day of the weekend.  We also took out time this year to reflect on others that are no longer joining us, including Aunt Ann who started the Mother's Day Toast tradition of serving frozen daiquiris each year in plastic glasses she would supply... we all have an entire collection of Aunt Ann glasses.  I contributed pictures to a memory board of my Grandmother, Claire Klepper Elkes Mandell, who lived nearby and along with her second husband, Sam, joined us and sold seashells at the gathering by the beach.

Hawaii on the return trip from Malaysia and India, which Cyndi also joined us for.
Robert met us in Hawaii on the way back.

I can't complete this blog without a special mention of the children we have willingly accepted responsibility for as our Godchildren.  My wonderful Godson, Robert, allowed me a little practice at raising a son before Shawn was born.  His mother, Cyndi and I met at orientation at FSU in 1980, and have navigated so many of life's challenges together.  I think the fact that Cyndi and I are both single Moms and have been through so much in our sons' lives together, makes our bond and reliance on each other much more demanding and critical than some of my other "bff" relationships.  I have often said she's more like a husband to me in the role she plays in my life.  There is no task that we have not collaborated on - whether in raising children, home renovation, travel or just looking after each other's personal well-being.  Cyndi and I are advocates for each other's sons with each other - an interesting concept to say the least - and we and our sons have definitely benefited by that fact.

Hold close those that are family - and share a special big hug with those family who are there for you when they don't have to be, for they are that little extravagant fringe we make a point to add to the fabric of our lives.

We are family - I've got ALL my sisters with me...